Taking care of yourself is so incredibly important if you are wanting to change your life. I remember studying in a class at university why people allow evil, corrupt people rule them. I remember thinking that it was ridiculous, the founding of my country was based on people standing up and basically saying, “What you are doing is not ok, and we are declaring our independence from you” and the government we rebelled from weren’t massacring us. My professor explained that human beings have only a few needs (food, shelter, etc.) and in order to meet those needs they will do just about anything. It is when those needs are met that people begin to look to other desires, begin to change their lives, their thoughts, and their circumstances.
I am not changing to the extreme that my forefathers did, I simply see that there are some holes in my life. Not big ones, I have survived 24 years without major problems, but little ones. Right now I finally feel that I am at a point where I can change them.
In “The Motivation” I talked about how active I used to be and some of the negative reasons why. Because my priorities were wrong my confidence was false and constantly in question.
Like many dealing with life and hardship my confidence in myself was based on my ability to do certain things - not my true identity and purpose. What do I mean by that? I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father who loves me and I love Him. That is my identity, it is greater than any criticism or negative feeling. My purpose here on Earth is to do those things necessary to return to him and to aid in his work. It is work, it requires effort, and it requires the spiritual, emotional, and physical ability to continue forward.
In my struggles I have neglected myself, every aspect of myself. Specifically I have used food to try to numb my self-doubt and self-hatred. While I am not obese I am overweight and it does impact my ability to do what is necessary in my life. The food I fuel myself with does not make me feel good, in fact I often eat things that make me sick because sometimes it takes the focus away from the other pain I feel.
This is wrong and it must change.
My goal here is to use exercise in a different way than I have before. I need to change my thinking and the motivation to do what is necessary in my life.
A certain waist size or weight will not make me happy.
Starving myself will not make me happy.
Thinking negative thoughts when I see my reflection will most certainly not make me happy.
So what has to change?
Exercise, when done in moderation and for the right reasons, is relaxing, it is fun, and I really do feel better afterwords. In fact, when I do it to feel better, to release the stress of the day (instead of trying to lose a gazillion pounds) I not only look forward to it but I crave it when things get tough. It becomes a positive outlet for stress.
Watching what I eat is important - not in an obsessive way - but consciously avoiding those things that I know will make me sick. Listening to my body. When I listen my body will tell me what it needs. The body is remarkable that way.
Like I said before, knowing who I am is important. When I think of how much my Heavenly Father loves me it doesn’t matter as much what mean people, or even I say. My thoughts become more positive and my perception of myself will change.
So this is hopefully where I am going with this, it is the goal.